covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize