We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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