I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
