The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
