im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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