Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
