Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
