I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
