I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
