dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
