I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
