That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
