I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
