3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
