i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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