You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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