the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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