I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
