I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
