I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
