I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
