cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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