I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
