If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
