he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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