hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
