I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
