Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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