did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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