If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
