Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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