how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
