My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
