You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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