wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
