: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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