brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
