im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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