so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
