my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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