Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
