I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
