I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
