Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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