Four minutes until I can fart!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
