What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
