Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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