Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
