Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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