I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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