Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
