Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
