Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
