guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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