Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
