Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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