he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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