If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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