i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the raccoons are back...
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