I met the friendliest cop last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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