he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
