don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
