i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize