your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
