and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
