My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
