after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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